Thinking back to my early 20s, I recall always being with a group. Different groups might I add. I had a church group and my college group and my high school friends group and my work group and my family friends group and my liberation (power to the people) group. I was ALWAYS in the company of someone. I have had to ask myself this question: Do I enjoy my own company?
I didn’t know how to sit by myself for stretches of time. I would leave from one group, get home and have someone else on the phone making plans for the next few hours. I was fidgety with too much quiet. I got bored and quickly needed things to do. Sitting alone with my thoughts was not something I wanted to be bothered with. I had nothing good to do on my own. I had nothing good to think about. I needed others to guide my day and add life to it.
My “AHA” Moment
Thinking back, I see how silly this was. I was a silly person. My “AHA” moment did not come on my own accord. I had a friend over at my house and she made mention that I was on my phone a lot. I was in shock that she said that all while I was on the phone making plans with another group for when she left me. Her statement was the beginning of a snowball of events that led to me being alone and it was the strangest and best thing that could have ever occurred.
Living for Me
I started dancing. Hip hop and salsa classes every Tuesday and Thursday and I was happy. My son and I would set aside time for a hang out night, just me and him. I was getting back to the important things. I spent hours in Barnes and Noble just reading. When I weeded out all the excess in my life, I could hear me. When I let go of the need for everyone to provide enjoyment to my life, I found enjoyment within my own heart’s desires. And I was okay.
Through these series of questions, my initial thought is yes, that’s me, I do those things. It really makes me examine my growth, how far I have come and where I need to go. Like, seriously. There are times when I feel like I have got all areas of my life going on, just to find out that I am so sadly mistaken.
I “DO” Enjoy My Own Company
Now, I feel like I can say that I thoroughly enjoy my company. I enjoy moving and flowing at the speed of me. It’s free and freeing. The world is mine for the taking when I seek out my own happiness and joy first. I have no time to be bored. There are so many thoughts that my mind contains, I am having a time just balancing all of that. This is all because I have learned to find out who I am, what I want, and where I want to be. I could never have done that remaining in constant company with others. What happened when I did that was their thoughts became my thoughts. I couldn’t hear me.
Now I can.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the presence of friends. I just now understand that I can enjoy them for who they are because I now can thoroughly enjoy who I am. I know when to be in the company of others and how long to stay and when it is time to leave. Gone are the days that I hang on to others to make me, me!
Enjoy Yourself. For Yourself. By Yourself.
So as you travel this week, ask yourself: Do I enjoy my company? If you are like me, living happy and free, great for you! Welcome! If spending time alone raises your anxiety level or increases your boredom, I encourage you to truly dive within and determine what makes you feel that way. You can even start with trying an activity that you have never done: yoga, dancing, cooking, gardening, cabinetry, etc. The choice is yours as long as it is truly yours.
So, darlings, do you enjoy your company?